"Thanks for constantly talking about me behind my back. You're right where you belong, 'behind me'!"
Recently, I was laughed upon, judged, body shamed and slut shamed for posting a photo in a swimsuit online. This isn't the first time I have posted a swimsuit photo, but somehow the previous ones went unnoticed by trolls (probably they had a job back then). The photo revealing my bronzed skin after a nice beach vacation covers appropriately and doesn't show any cleavage or the like. However, Instagram had to go crazy over it. Not just comments, I got DMs about it, my friends have been bullied about it and I've been publicity taunted about posting 'that photo'.
For a moment, I almost accepted that posting a photo in a swimsuit is a problem, because one lady even went ahead and told me if reflects on the kind of upbringing my father has given me. It was disturbing and it took me a while to understand that there's no problem in my upbringing, but in the upbringing of these men who have filthy things to say, of these women who cannot accept their body the way I can, of the men who find nothing wrong in objectifying a woman and the women who shame other women.
Let me narrate another incident. I. Posted a photo of me against a stunning sunset at Anjuna beach. Mind it, it was a silhouette. And someone comments - you look full full sexy. That's when I knew that someone has to teach men like these manners and English at the same time. It's probably inappropriate upbringing that they haven't been taught how to react to a woman's photo, or perhaps they suck in English and aren't sure of the vocabulary to use while talking to/about a woman.
I even had a friend tell me, you need to be ready for comments of this sort when you post 'that kind of photo'. Wtf? It's out of my understanding what according to creeps and perverts is 'sexy'. To be very honest, I don't even know what they mean by all the 'hot' and 'sexy', because many a times I see the word getting used out of context. For example, in the silhouette photo. According to me, it'd a stunning shot or a sexy shot. Not 'you look full full sexy'. I've also had men and women - including close friends - tell me that I'm 'fat' and I look 'ugly' in photos. Mahn, I know I am fat and no, I won't put in any effort to pull down because you find me fat; I will pull down when I feel like it. What I don't get is, how is me being fat any of your business?
Like do you get it? Men need to have better control over the bodies and their senses, and their vocabulary. Women need to teach their sons that they aren't superior and women are equal (which many mothers fail to do). And women need to stop shaming other women. The world would be a way better place to live in, not just for you and I, for everyone. To you pretty ladies who have been slut shamed and body shamed, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what they think of you. You're way stronger than their negativity and hate. You're way better than any of those who judge you. Work harder towards your goals and let success do the talking!
"You never knew that it would take so long to understand you're right where you belong!"
Here are some pointers I'd like to share with someone who has had disturbing experiences like these:
#1 Understand that trolls are everywhere and it's impossible to escape them
#2 Realise that people judging you, gossiping about you and saying shit to you are insecure and don't have the balls to say anything to your face
#3 Know that the lifestyle you live and the choices you make (which might scratch many bums) isn't yours or your parents fault; it reflects on their upbringing, not yours (though they try very hard to say it differently)
#4 Know that you're beautiful. If you feel fat, work out. Don't work out because someone calls you fat. It should be your choice and it should be something that makes you happy
#5 Grab and munch on a pack of nachos (like I am), rant (like I have in this post) and catch a movie (like I will after posting this). Trust me, it helps
#6 Respect humankind, others bodies and others choices